Burlesque (2010)

Steve Antin – Director/ Writer

Christina Aguilera, Cher, Stanley Tucci

There is a little known formula in the Hollywood industry that I think I’m going to crack here. In this blog. To you guys. Get ready Entertainment Weekly, stand back Variety. I’ve got you pegged. Step 1: Take a major diva celebrity at the height of their career who is looking at their work thus far and saying to themselves, “My God, I’m good. Is there anything I can’t do?” Step 2: Give them a couple bucks for budget and say, “Hey, go get ‘em.” Step 3: Get a few good actors together in a room. Give them a couple of cocktails and say “Anyone want to make a quick million for a laugh?” Someone will say yes. Step 4: Watch aforementioned diva make a “Diamond in the Rough Singer Made Good” movie based loosely on a character that is based loosely on them and on their lives and featured songs sung exclusively by them under some loosely conceived pretense (everything is loosely constructed and executed in these movies.) Step 5: Watch diva’s reputation as a legitimate celebrity crumble.

So is the tale of Glitter, The Spice Girls Movie, and, most recently to the table, Burlesque. Christina, you had a fantastic voice and legitimate singing career, Cher, you were a legend. Why, why, why do  you feel that this, in any way, is going to a) catapult you to greater stardom and or b) kick start your comeback? Ladies, stick with what you’re good at, belting it out onstage and wearing fun, sparkly and revealing outfits.

One part Showgirls, one part Moulin Rouge (with less nudity than one and far less talent than the other), Burlesque tells the tale of a hot young waitress coming to make it in the big city and finding her calling at the Burlesque Club owned by an aging but still legendary performer in her own right. I can pretty much sum up in a nutshell what the script writing session sounded like…. Christina: “I want to play a gorgeous girl with an amazing voice who is better than everyone and everyone is jealous of me… I mean her. Oh, and I want a hot guy to kiss. Oh and I want to sing all the songs.” Cher: “Yea I want to be a hot girl too….” Christina: “Not hotter than me!” Cher: “Ok we’re equally hot. And I want to play a totally still relevant and not at all has-been actress slash singer.” And the director said, “um…ok.”

Ok, so I suppose that I might not be being entirely fair. I’m sure that a lot of hard work and money went into the production (around 55 mil in fact.) Mostly in false eyelashes and glitter. Stanley Tucci, for reasons absolutely unknown to me (perhaps he’s a big Cher fan), appears as the only comic relief in a rather predictable, endlessly cheesy vehicle for the two stars to belt it out. Granted, some of the songs are catchy, the costumes are cheerfully flashy and the dance numbers make you feel understandably out of shape. Probably not likely to end up on the Criterion Collection but, in a pinch, not the worst ever.

The Fighter (2010)

David O. Russell – Director

Scott Silver, Paul Tamasy, Eric Johnson - Screenplay

Mark Walberg, Christian Bale, Melissa Leo, Amy Adams

In a world of 3D, high def, blue ray, flat screen, wide screen, and just all around badassery of cinema viewing, there is one medium that simply trumps them all. Take a 4 by 6 inch screen, place it approximately 1.5 feet immediately in front of your face, and cover it with thin lines running vertically and horizontally through it. Make sure to never move your head more than an inch or 2 to either side, less you lose the ability to see the movie and, if the screen suddenly and inexplicably comes jolting towards your face, often upending the drink placed precariously on a conveniently located drink stand directly below it, simply rearrange as necessary. Be prepared for a variety of film interruptions most often giving you information that you neither required nor understood. Did I mention the sodium laden mid movie snack often provided, absolutely free of charge? Ah yes, the joys of enjoying cinema from a moving aircraft.  

Despite these initial and various setbacks, the 9 hour flight finally prompted me to delve into the wide world of British Airways cinema selection. Knowing that I was already starting out behind the 8 Ball, I selected a movie that even an in-flight viewing could not destroy. I was not disappointed.

To anyone who has not been living under a rock for the past year, The Fighter is the utter definition of what an excellent film should be – seamless screenplay, relatable and effortlessly believable casting, and perhaps above all, a hell of a David and Goliath story. Set in the mean streets of Boston, Micky (Walberg) plays the up and coming boxer trying to make it out of his older brother Dicky’s (Bale) massive and looming former champion shadow. Despite his teeny little problem staying off the crack, charismatic Dicky remains the apple of his mother’s (Leo) eye, living in a perpetual fantasy where he is having his big comeback and his younger brother is just along for the ride. Though Micky seems content to let Dicky command the spotlight, being constantly overlooked in favor of his clearly past-his-prime brother finally catches up with him.

Let’s be honest, the Academy can’t always be trusted in their rulings of “Best of the Year” but in this case, they got it more right than wrong. Who wasn’t nominated in this movie? Bale blew it out of the water, throwing himself into the role of crackhead former champ Dicky (seriously, would anyone suspect he was an upstanding Brit?), and proves he has what it takes to become one of the true greats. Leo and Adams both shine as opposing forces on Walberg’s Micky, daring the audience to even suggest that they were born and raised just a stone’s throw from Lynn.  

Utterly relatable, the defeat of Shea Neary by “Irish” Micky Ward for the WBU Welterweight title, wound up being cake after the triumph over the family that didn’t support him. While not everyone has been within spitting distance from a professional boxing title, everyone has had sibling rivalry, a girlfriend or boyfriend at odds with the parents or even just the ol’ Black Sheep of the Family. Definitely a true story to check out that will leave you inspired and also maybe feel better about your own family’s dysfunction.