The other day I found myself in a dire situation that I haven’t experienced in years: I ran out of pens. After experimenting with crayons, Sharpies and the nub of a golf pencil that I found under the couch, I decided to bite the bullet and take myself to Staples (yea they got those.) Walking through the mechanical sliding doors and into the cool refreshing tingle of recycled air conditioning, I was met with a barrage of Back to School! items. It was at once a thrilling experience, conjuring up the smell of fresh pencils and the nervous excitement of a new school year, and a terror of “Oh God! The summer’s over! I have to get up early and do work for the next 9 months!” Whether you dreaded the approach of the Yellow Bus of Doom or was one of those rare breeds that truly enjoyed high school, that time of year is again upon us. Check out the Hollywood treatment of juvenile education and see if you relate….or not.
Clueless (1995): If you’re like me, then you took the majority of your fashion cues from this movie, boggling your mother as to why her 12 year old daughter had suddenly taken a shine to white knee high socks and furry backpacks (they were “totally faux!”) Alicia Silverstone stars as the quintessential blonde, vapid, Beverly Hills 16 year old looking for love in a sea of total Barneys. Spawning a thousand quotes and even more stars (hello, Paul Rudd, Britney Murphy, Donald Faison), Clueless stands as a smart yet completely shallow, classic but also utterly pop culture, romantic comedy about love but mostly just sex, or…. whatever. Also See: Dazed and Confused, Can’t Hardly Wait
The Breakfast Club (1985): Turns out high school movies are cinematic gold when you take 5 different stereotypes (nerds, bad boys, prom queens, weirdoes, jocks) and toss them in a room together. What? The Bad Boy’s got a heart of gold? The perfect Prom Queen’s got a freaky streak? The Weird Girl from the wrong side of the tracks turns out to be gorgeous? I never would have guessed. Talk about a blueprint for movies. Molly Ringwald, Anthony Michael Hall and Emilio Estevez star in the prototypical 80’s coming of age tale about love and friendship…in detention. Wish I had had sexy hookups in the janitor’s closet. Also see: Pretty In Pink, Ferris Buellers Day’s Off
She’s All That (1999): Honestly, it’s basically a crap movie. However, it pretty much sets the tone for every other movie about high school that was to come in the next decade. You’ve got 4-6 gorgeous 25 year olds playing 16 year olds. You’ve got a “high school” that looks better than many tropical resorts. You’ve got the party where “S*** Goes Down”. And, of course, you have the great event that will change everything, the best moment in these people’s young lives, the moment when the strong will rise and crush the weak. Yes, friends, I’m talking about… The Prom. You’ll laugh, you’ll cry, you’ll wonder why your prom experience was more, holding your date’s water bottle of vodka while he pukes and dirty dancing in heinous taffeta and less, being crowned prom queen and landing the perfect man while befriending the odd girl. Also see: 10 Things I Hate About You, Mean Girls (stereotypical but at least aware of it), Never Been Kissed
Billy Madison (1995): Do I really need to even tell you to watch this? Basic premise: Billy Madison is the lazy son of a billionaire who must return to school and complete a grade every 2 weeks if he is to take over the family company. Mixed with “Hot For Teacher.” Even if you missed it when it first came out, you must have spotted it on a TBS rerun. Don’t have a TV? I’m sure you’ve heard someone (or everyone) quote it. Still not ringing any bells? It is now become more and more likely that you might have spent the past several decades trapped in an isolated cabin somewhere in the far northern reaches of Canada. Or you are my grandmother who still seems to think Lawrence Welk is still relevant (10 points if you know who Lawrence Welk is.) Regardless, welcome to mainstream cinematic culture. Please meet my friend, Adam Sandler. Also see: Fast Times at Ridgemont High
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