Rosemary’s Baby (1968)

Roman Polanski – Director, Screenplay

Ira Levin - Novel

Mia Farrow

I have known my fair share of demon children. I have a little sister and more young cousins that I can frankly keep track of. However, when I say “demon children”, I mean more along the lines of, “Oh Jenny, you chose the minute I picked you up to puke on my new silk jacket. What a delight. What’s that? You wanted to draw and used all my new lipsticks and eyeliners to paint a seascape on my wall? Well, isn’t that creative. ” When Roman Polanski says “demon children”, he means “force-you-to-eat-raw-liver-and-hallucinate-sex-with-the-devil-from-inside-the-womb” evil.

Such is the case of his blissfully, yet dangerously naive protagonist (Farrow) in the quintessential horror film, Rosemary’s Baby. The film opens to a beautiful young couple as they embark on their new life together; searching for the perfect house to start a family in. When the ideal apartment suddenly becomes available, Guy and Rosemary Woodhouse find even more good fortune when they meet the gregarious and helpful older couple next door, Roman and Minnie Castevet (Ruth Gordon won an Oscar for her role.) Despite the mysterious death of a woman staying with them, the Castevets’ charm and warmth win them over. Meeting them seems practically fortuitous when Rosemary becomes pregnant;  they go out of their way to set her up with a brilliant and coveted surgeon completely gratis, prepare daily herbal drinks to aid her pregnancy, and even offer her a beautiful and exotic pendent for good luck. However, things quickly go awry when Rosemary’s friend who questions the Castevets’ motives suddenly falls gravely ill and Guy quickly, and adamantly, dismisses any and all of Rosemary’s growing suspicions. As the clues pile up, it becomes no longer a question of someone wanting to hurt the baby, but something wanting it for its own.

Watching this 1968 movie in 2011 is something of a mixed experience. Does is have the special effects, blood and gore of today’s horror movies that we are so accustomed to seeing? No. Is it starring a bunch of sexy teenagers and/ or a 30 million dollar monster destroying a town, city, etc? No. Is it utterly and completely disturbing and more suspenseful than you are at all comfortable with? Absolutely. What I love about earlier horrors movies is that they don’t have to rely on CGI special effects or gross-out makeup to scare the living daylights out of you. Perfectly placed creepy music, terrifying close-up shots of the protagonist as she realizes the horror of her situation, and long drawn out scenes, your heart pounding in your chest as you follow our ill fated heroine through twisting hallways, can have an even better effect.

Some of the best scenes and effects in Rosemary’s Baby may actually seem quite familiar to the close follower of horror films: childlike music over the opening credits to set the tone, dream sequences foreshadowing doom to come, and the embodiment of evil residing in the most innocuous of characters, in this case, a helpless old couple. If you are looking for a film that is going to feature lots of close-ups of a woman’s face half torn off or a horrific looking monster wandering around, this might not be for you. If however, you find yourself drawn to the more subtle, hidden terror (the early Amityville Horror, Orphan, The Omen) this is definitely one to add to your repertoire.

Don’t Be A Fool, Stay in School!

The other day I found myself in a dire situation that I haven’t experienced in years: I ran out of pens. After experimenting with crayons, Sharpies and the nub of a golf pencil that I found under the couch, I decided to bite the bullet and take myself to Staples (yea they got those.) Walking through the mechanical sliding doors and into the cool refreshing tingle of recycled air conditioning, I was met with a barrage of Back to School! items. It was at once a thrilling experience, conjuring up the smell of fresh pencils and the nervous excitement of a new school year, and a terror of “Oh God! The summer’s over! I have to get up early and do work for the next 9 months!” Whether you dreaded the approach of the Yellow Bus of Doom or was one of those rare breeds that truly enjoyed high school, that time of year is again upon us. Check out the Hollywood treatment of juvenile education and see if you relate….or not.

Clueless (1995): If you’re like me, then you took the majority of your fashion cues from this movie, boggling your mother as to why her 12 year old daughter had suddenly taken a shine to white knee high socks and furry backpacks (they were “totally faux!”) Alicia Silverstone stars as the quintessential blonde, vapid, Beverly Hills 16 year old looking for love in a sea of total Barneys. Spawning a thousand quotes and even more stars (hello, Paul Rudd, Britney Murphy, Donald Faison), Clueless stands as a smart yet completely shallow, classic but also utterly pop culture, romantic comedy about love but mostly just sex, or…. whatever.  Also See: Dazed and Confused, Can’t Hardly Wait

The Breakfast Club (1985): Turns out high school movies are cinematic gold when you take 5 different stereotypes (nerds, bad boys, prom queens, weirdoes, jocks) and toss them in a room together. What? The Bad Boy’s got a heart of gold? The perfect Prom Queen’s got a freaky streak? The Weird Girl from the wrong side of the tracks turns out to be gorgeous? I never would have guessed.  Talk about a blueprint for movies. Molly Ringwald, Anthony Michael Hall and Emilio Estevez star in the prototypical 80’s coming of age tale about love and friendship…in detention. Wish I had had sexy hookups in the janitor’s closet. Also see: Pretty In Pink, Ferris Buellers Day’s Off

She’s All That (1999): Honestly, it’s basically a crap movie. However, it pretty much sets the tone for every other movie about high school that was to come in the next decade. You’ve got 4-6 gorgeous 25 year olds playing 16 year olds. You’ve got a “high school” that looks better than many tropical resorts. You’ve got the party where “S*** Goes Down”.  And, of course, you have the great event that will change everything, the best moment in these people’s young lives, the moment when the strong will rise and crush the weak. Yes, friends, I’m talking about… The Prom. You’ll laugh, you’ll cry, you’ll wonder why your prom experience was more, holding your date’s water bottle of vodka while he pukes and dirty dancing in heinous taffeta and less, being crowned prom queen and landing the perfect man while befriending the odd girl. Also see: 10 Things I Hate About You, Mean Girls (stereotypical but at least aware of it), Never Been Kissed

Billy Madison (1995): Do I really need to even tell you to watch this? Basic premise: Billy Madison is the lazy son of a billionaire who must return to school and complete a grade every 2 weeks if he is to take over the family company. Mixed with “Hot For Teacher.” Even if you missed it when it first came out, you must have spotted it on a TBS rerun. Don’t have a TV? I’m sure you’ve heard someone (or everyone) quote it. Still not ringing any bells? It is now become more and more likely that you might have spent the past several decades trapped in an isolated cabin somewhere in the far northern reaches of Canada. Or you are my grandmother who still seems to think Lawrence Welk is still relevant (10 points if you know who Lawrence Welk is.) Regardless, welcome to mainstream cinematic culture. Please meet my friend, Adam Sandler. Also see: Fast Times at Ridgemont High

Time to Kick Back and Unwind…It’s Summertime!

Let’s be honest here, people. Is there anyone who doesn’t get stuck in a bit of a time warp over the summer? Suddenly, it’s Weds when you could have sworn you had another 2 days to turn in that presentation. Looking at your bank statement Monday morning finds you woefully missing 200 dollars and only the smell of your cubemate’s mint flavored gum brings you back to those 5 lost hours imbibing mojitos on the roof. So in the spirit of understanding and enjoying the outdoors (yes, I consider a potted palm tree next to a rooftop air vent “outdoors”), I hope I shall be forgiven for ignoring you, my fearless readers for the past few months. I give you now an entirely incomprehensive list of summer films I have been working on for that entire time (and certainly did not bust out just in time for Labor Day Weekend) ….

Wet Hot American Summer (2001): This is one for any hapless soul who ever had to spend their summers trapped at a camp making sure kids didn’t kill themselves while, at the same time, mostly trying to hook up with the Hot Swim Instructor. Literally everyone from Bradley Cooper to Paul Rudd and Elizabeth Banks to Christopher Meloni star as mostly distracted camp counselors at Camp Firewood. Between a talking can of soup and an innocent trip to town that goes awry, Wet Hot American Summer is the cult classic that makes you long for the smell of lake water and bug spray. Also see: Caddyshack, Meatballs, Dirty Dancing (a more serious tone but still pretty hilarious. Come on… Patrick Swazye busting out “Love is Strange”? Yes, please!)

Now and Then (1995): Ok so this one is mostly for the girls. Starring the coming-of-age-in-the-90’s trifecta of Christina Ricci, Thora Birch and Devon Sawa (swoon!) plus mom’s favorites including Demi Moore and Rosie O’Donnell, it’s another one chock-a-block of famous faces. Taking place in the summer of 1970, 4 best friends uncover a local murder mystery as they face first love, a barrage of family problems and the “power of friendship.”  Also see: Stand By Me (basically, the male equivalent), My Girl

Blue Crush (2002): Though perhaps not one of the most critically acclaimed cinematic experiences of all time, you are lying to yourself if you didn’t at least seriously contemplate picking up and moving to Hawaii. Kate Bosworth stars as a badass surf girl trying to get ready for a major surf completion while also trying to juggle the hot NFL player she’s landed – cause yea, that’s a real problem for all of us. Though perhaps not a summer movie per se, still an awesome motivator to get that bikini body in shape and hit the beach! Also see: Jaws (not exactly the same sentiment)

Heavyweights (1995): One of my absolutely all time favorites, Heavyweights is a true David and Goliath tale of overweight campers fighting for the right to bbq's, GoKarts and just some good ol’ fashioned R-E-S-P-E-C-T. Starring Ben Stiller as the tyrannical head counselor with a serious case of roid rage, get ready to feel a sudden and immediate need for an inappropriately large plate of ribs and an afternoon on “The Blob.” Also see: The Sandlot

Friday the 13^th (1980): Ok so maybe this one doesn’t quite make you long for hamburgers from the canteen or solo hiking adventures in the woods quite as much as, you know, hiding inside and steering clear of psychopathic, ax wielding mama’s boys. Still, what would the summer be without a couple of sexually provocative camp counselors being chopped to pieces? The one that started it all, Jason  gets his first big break in the classic film franchise that would go on to span approximately 1,847,305 sequels (really 11 and a tv show) and scare the living daylight out of millions of camp goers. An excellent one to show at Camp Movie Night if you want to keep the kiddies in their cabins and finally track down that Hot Swim Instructor. Also see: Sleepaway Camp (I’ve actually never seen this although I have heard it is terrifying/ hilarious. Want to see something really scary…. Watch I Know What You Did Last Summer. It terrifies me that at 1 time this was a really popular and “good” movie)

Exit through the Gift Shop (2010)

Bansky – Director

Banksy, Thierry Guetta, Space Invader, Shepard Fairey

If you are like me, then pretty much everything you watch makes you want to utterly throw down your current preoccupations and become… a doctor! An FBI criminal investigator! A down on his luck sandwich shop owner! Ultimately though, the moment of hysterical enthusiasm passes, you realize that embarking on a multi-year, costly expedition to become a real life Secret Agent might not be in the cards, and you return to the daily march of your job, your relationship, your life, content to watch well paid actors live those lives for you. However, if you are like Thierry Guetta, your moment of hysterical enthusiasm does not pass. In fact it never passes, rather snowballing into a perpetual fantasy world of stardom and the endless pursuit of passion and art.

Exit through the Gift Shop is a purported narrative of the world of Street Art, a growing counterculture movement of guerilla artists who make the streets both their canvas and their subject. Drawing from pop culture, political and international events, and a generally stark look at reality, these artists entrance the public by bombarding them with bizarre, sometimes unintelligible images. What it is in reality, is the tale of a, eccentric would be Street Art documentarian who just can’t seem to keep his attention centered. Flitting from an obsession to filming his life running an LA clothing store, to an obsession with meeting and filming street artists in their habitat to an obsession with becoming one himself, Thierry records it all in boxes and boxes of raw tape.

Though filmed almost in its entirety by Guetta, it took internationally renowned (and also ironically completely unknown) street artist, Bansky, to turn it into the finished product you see today. Interspersed with interviews with Bansky, Shepard Fairey (the paintbrush behind the iconic Obama “Hope” posters), and Guetta himself, the film leads you through the secretive world of this urban art form, all behind the lens of perhaps the least secretive street artist in the world. Whether intentionally or not, Guetta manages to utterly commercialize and, in doing so, perhaps bastardize an art form meant initially to be a completely uncommercial, subversive satire. 

Exit is a thoroughly hilarious, wild romp, exposing the very insides of the movement: both its serious, activism side, as well as the often hilarious characters and situations behind it. That a complete nobody French shopkeeper should manage to film some of the most famous faces in the business, is a true testament to Guetta’s sheer passion and, yea let’s admit it, lunacy. Absolutely not one to miss, Exit through the Gift Shop will give you a look at the most hipster art out there and how no one can really take themselves that seriously…even if they want to.

The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy (2005)

Garth Jennings - Director

Douglas Adams – Writer (books)

Martin Freeman, Sam Rockwell, Mos Def, Zooey Deschanel

It has always been a bit of a mystery as to how a day can be officially declared a holiday, and for that matter, who is given the lofty responsibility of making these vital decisions. For example, the city of San Francisco recently declared May 18th a holiday to honor her highness, the “Princess of Pop”, Britney Spears. Now I am all for celebrating and remembering those most significant in our culture and I am especially for a day off from school or work. And really, if ol’ MLK and Lincoln and Washington can have their days, why not Britney! But, back to the issue at hand. In the tradition of key days of remembrance and celebration, most recently, May 25^th was declared National Towel Day in honor of brilliant author, creative genius and slightly strange duck, Douglas Adams. So in my own personal tribute to the late writer, let me introduce (or reintroduce) one of his most celebrated works, The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy, or rather, its stunningly imaginative film adaptation.

The Hitchhiker’s Guide follows hapless earthling, Arthur Dent (Freeman), as his world is suddenly and irrevocably shifted when his home planet is unceremoniously destroyed to make way for an intergalactic interstate byway. Rescued by his best friend, Ford Prefect, a researcher for The Guide who became stranded on earth (brilliantly portrayed by Mos Def), the two set off on cross (well, zigzag more like)-galaxy voyage as they search for the Meaning of Life, The Universe, and Everything. Along the way, the two encounter the most varied array of life forms imaginable, including the foul and vicious Vogon bureaucrats, beautiful and brilliant Trillian (Deschanel), the charismatic Galactic President (Rockwell), Marvin, his loyal but manic depressive robot, and the smartest, and most underestimated, creatures in the universe.

Directed by Garth Jennings, it fully realizes the tone of its literary ancestor and incorporates the most essential plot points, yet is not a slave to simply making images and sounds out of words. Perhaps the first clue that the film would take some liberties with the book is the opening musical number, fully crafted out of a mere reference by Adams. “So Long, And Thanks For All The Fish” sets the tone at once for the fantastical and extraordinary adventures to come while also creating an almost relatable atmosphere. Almost. Rather that perhaps a “space move” that keeps its audience at an arm’s distance, Arthur’s longing for his lost home, Ford and Beeblebrox’s insatiable need for adventure and really cool things, and even Marvin’s perpetual state of apathy at his own wasted talents seem relatable. Not to mention hilarious.

With an all star cast including Alan Rickman as Marvin, the Paranoid Android, and Bill Nighy as a genius planetary architect, the film is a fantastic romp through the space, time, and the utterly improbable. And for all those literary snobs who say a movie can never live up to a book, prepare to be blown away.

Burlesque (2010)

Steve Antin – Director/ Writer

Christina Aguilera, Cher, Stanley Tucci

There is a little known formula in the Hollywood industry that I think I’m going to crack here. In this blog. To you guys. Get ready Entertainment Weekly, stand back Variety. I’ve got you pegged. Step 1: Take a major diva celebrity at the height of their career who is looking at their work thus far and saying to themselves, “My God, I’m good. Is there anything I can’t do?” Step 2: Give them a couple bucks for budget and say, “Hey, go get ‘em.” Step 3: Get a few good actors together in a room. Give them a couple of cocktails and say “Anyone want to make a quick million for a laugh?” Someone will say yes. Step 4: Watch aforementioned diva make a “Diamond in the Rough Singer Made Good” movie based loosely on a character that is based loosely on them and on their lives and featured songs sung exclusively by them under some loosely conceived pretense (everything is loosely constructed and executed in these movies.) Step 5: Watch diva’s reputation as a legitimate celebrity crumble.

So is the tale of Glitter, The Spice Girls Movie, and, most recently to the table, Burlesque. Christina, you had a fantastic voice and legitimate singing career, Cher, you were a legend. Why, why, why do  you feel that this, in any way, is going to a) catapult you to greater stardom and or b) kick start your comeback? Ladies, stick with what you’re good at, belting it out onstage and wearing fun, sparkly and revealing outfits.

One part Showgirls, one part Moulin Rouge (with less nudity than one and far less talent than the other), Burlesque tells the tale of a hot young waitress coming to make it in the big city and finding her calling at the Burlesque Club owned by an aging but still legendary performer in her own right. I can pretty much sum up in a nutshell what the script writing session sounded like…. Christina: “I want to play a gorgeous girl with an amazing voice who is better than everyone and everyone is jealous of me… I mean her. Oh, and I want a hot guy to kiss. Oh and I want to sing all the songs.” Cher: “Yea I want to be a hot girl too….” Christina: “Not hotter than me!” Cher: “Ok we’re equally hot. And I want to play a totally still relevant and not at all has-been actress slash singer.” And the director said, “um…ok.”

Ok, so I suppose that I might not be being entirely fair. I’m sure that a lot of hard work and money went into the production (around 55 mil in fact.) Mostly in false eyelashes and glitter. Stanley Tucci, for reasons absolutely unknown to me (perhaps he’s a big Cher fan), appears as the only comic relief in a rather predictable, endlessly cheesy vehicle for the two stars to belt it out. Granted, some of the songs are catchy, the costumes are cheerfully flashy and the dance numbers make you feel understandably out of shape. Probably not likely to end up on the Criterion Collection but, in a pinch, not the worst ever.

The Fighter (2010)

David O. Russell – Director

Scott Silver, Paul Tamasy, Eric Johnson - Screenplay

Mark Walberg, Christian Bale, Melissa Leo, Amy Adams

In a world of 3D, high def, blue ray, flat screen, wide screen, and just all around badassery of cinema viewing, there is one medium that simply trumps them all. Take a 4 by 6 inch screen, place it approximately 1.5 feet immediately in front of your face, and cover it with thin lines running vertically and horizontally through it. Make sure to never move your head more than an inch or 2 to either side, less you lose the ability to see the movie and, if the screen suddenly and inexplicably comes jolting towards your face, often upending the drink placed precariously on a conveniently located drink stand directly below it, simply rearrange as necessary. Be prepared for a variety of film interruptions most often giving you information that you neither required nor understood. Did I mention the sodium laden mid movie snack often provided, absolutely free of charge? Ah yes, the joys of enjoying cinema from a moving aircraft.  

Despite these initial and various setbacks, the 9 hour flight finally prompted me to delve into the wide world of British Airways cinema selection. Knowing that I was already starting out behind the 8 Ball, I selected a movie that even an in-flight viewing could not destroy. I was not disappointed.

To anyone who has not been living under a rock for the past year, The Fighter is the utter definition of what an excellent film should be – seamless screenplay, relatable and effortlessly believable casting, and perhaps above all, a hell of a David and Goliath story. Set in the mean streets of Boston, Micky (Walberg) plays the up and coming boxer trying to make it out of his older brother Dicky’s (Bale) massive and looming former champion shadow. Despite his teeny little problem staying off the crack, charismatic Dicky remains the apple of his mother’s (Leo) eye, living in a perpetual fantasy where he is having his big comeback and his younger brother is just along for the ride. Though Micky seems content to let Dicky command the spotlight, being constantly overlooked in favor of his clearly past-his-prime brother finally catches up with him.

Let’s be honest, the Academy can’t always be trusted in their rulings of “Best of the Year” but in this case, they got it more right than wrong. Who wasn’t nominated in this movie? Bale blew it out of the water, throwing himself into the role of crackhead former champ Dicky (seriously, would anyone suspect he was an upstanding Brit?), and proves he has what it takes to become one of the true greats. Leo and Adams both shine as opposing forces on Walberg’s Micky, daring the audience to even suggest that they were born and raised just a stone’s throw from Lynn.  

Utterly relatable, the defeat of Shea Neary by “Irish” Micky Ward for the WBU Welterweight title, wound up being cake after the triumph over the family that didn’t support him. While not everyone has been within spitting distance from a professional boxing title, everyone has had sibling rivalry, a girlfriend or boyfriend at odds with the parents or even just the ol’ Black Sheep of the Family. Definitely a true story to check out that will leave you inspired and also maybe feel better about your own family’s dysfunction.